3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
