I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Randomize
