Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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