I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
