Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
