so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize