The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
