At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
