no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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