I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Sorry my hands just texted you
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
