My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
