Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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