I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
