The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
