i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
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Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
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Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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