How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
