YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
We need a shit load of segways right now
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Randomize
