her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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