I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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