Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I deserve this hangover.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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