Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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