Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Randomize
