Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
