I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
