if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
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