She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
