would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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