im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I'm passing your future prison.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
my penis made a compromise with my morals
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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