So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Randomize
