all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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