I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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