i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I am spending my child support on dildos
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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