(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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