Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
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