God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
