There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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