I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
