Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
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