What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Randomize
