If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Randomize
