she was so not down for the gang bang
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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