Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Randomize
