KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
