Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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