So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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