maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
