No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Randomize
