Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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