Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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