so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
