I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
It's just like the Real World with babies
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
