he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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