She's JV to your varsity
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
