For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
