I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Randomize
