You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
