I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
