i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
