Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
