her vagina looked like bernie madoff
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Did you just see the Batmobile???
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
