I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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