apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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