thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
