so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
