if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
