Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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