: south campus drug res life name erik. Love, tran
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
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