The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
