i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
