just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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