She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Randomize
