I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
