That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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