We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
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