Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
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