At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
