I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
