why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
