Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I wish there were birth control emojis
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
