drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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