if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess