Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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