you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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