if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
