What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
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