i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
