She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Randomize
