I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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