I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
